Issues
by Accio-Underwear
Summary: ONESHOT Being a person who didn’t stop and think or follow the advice Craig had given him a thousand times, Clyde instinctively pulled his hand back, causing an even bigger mess of his finger since Two was able to scrape her teeth and tear more skin.


_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

_This is so lame. I'm sorry._

* * *

"Hey, why doesn't Two like me?"

Clyde Donavon peered down at the young guinea pig, which was the size of a large potato, which was in its large, comfortable cage and glaring at him with as much intensity as a guinea pig could muster when glaring at a person. Its name was Stripe the Second, named during Craig's denial stage after Stripe the first's death. The Tucker's thought that getting him a new pig right away would pick him right back up, and though it kept his mind off of the loss, it was a little creepy that he acted like the new pig was the old pig.

He was still adjusting and only recently started calling the guinea pig 'Two'.

Craig sat on his bed, peering over a magazine to give Clyde an expression that clearly said 'are you retarded?', "Two likes you fine."

The other teenager was skeptical, "She won't let me pick her up." He countered.

"Because she's afraid you might eat her."

"Harsh, Craig."

Clyde ignored the middle finger aimed at him, not really sure if Craig's old habits were kicking in or if it was an honest to God 'I'm flipping you off and I won't deny it' incident.

Craig had mental issues.

"So, why did you call me over?"

Craig sighed and set his magazine aside, "I can't just call you over to hang out?"

"You usually call Tweek over for that," Clyde replied, sounding a little hurt.

Craig's mental issues made him like Tweek better. Tweek was obviously worse off than Craig, giving the raven haired boy an ego boost and reassurance.

And let him stay in denial longer.

"He's in Seattle for the week with his parents. Something about visiting all the coffee factories or whatever." Craig replied nonchalantly.

Clyde ignored him, opting to open Two's cage and carefully reach his hand in. The young guinea pig edged closer to him and sniffed his fingers before giving a small lick. Clyde smiled, relieved that Craig was right and Two did like him.

Until the fucking guinea pig bit him as hard as fucking possible.

Being a person who didn't stop and think or follow the advice Craig had given him a thousand times, Clyde instinctively pulled his hand back, causing an even bigger mess of his finger since Two was able to scrape her teeth and tear more skin.

That's not what a person was supposed to do.

And most seventeen year old boys didn't cry their asses off.

Craig shot up from his relaxed position on bed, quickly crawling to its edge. In one fluid motion, he closed Two's cage door and wrapped an arm around Clyde before pulling the other, crying teen into his lap and peering over his shoulder.

"Let me see."

"No way, dude, it fucking hurts and all this blood…"

"Let me see, Clyde."

Clyde shook his head, letting out a small sob and Craig rolled his eyes. Forcefully, he pulled Clyde's 'good hand' away from the injured finger and inspected it. Yes, there was a lot of blood but he suspected that it was just that. Blood spilling from a tiny wound.

So he did what anybody who conveniently forgot they had a bathroom with a sink and first aid kit would do.

Clyde gasped; his crying cut silent as Craig's warm mouth enveloped his injured finger and sucked lightly. Two had a fit from her cage, making all kinds of ruckus but only Clyde noticed, and that was a vague awareness. Craig pulled his mouth off Clyde's finger with a 'pop' and re-inspected the finger.

"Wuss, it's not even that bad."

"Craig?"

"What?"

Clyde smashed his mouth against his friend's. Two threw an even louder fit and Clyde sheepishly pulled away.

"I know what's wrong with Two," He said quietly.

"What?" Craig asked, looking dazed.

"Jealousy."

Craig laid back, pulling Clyde with him, "Let her be jealous," He decided before kissing his friend again.

Craig had issues.

But Clyde had them too.

Two had an issue with Clyde and Craig.

Neither cared about Two's opinion that afternoon.


End file.
